Can we not?
Hip hop is not the problem, and acting like rappers invented sexism and ableism etc is pretty damn racist.
The problem is that an entertainer used a slur and then apologized for offending *families* of the people that slur hurts. And the person who did that deserves the outrage he’s getting.
But don’t take it out on rap. Rap is an important and respectable art form. There’s a lot of sexism and homophobia etc in rap, but there are also rap songs that object to that.
How many country songs do you know of that tell people off for the misogyny in other country songs?
You’d be surprised at just what all we can do when we’ve been fortunate enough to not have people telling us “you can’t [insert bullshit] because you’re autistic.”
I can smile, I can joke (sometimes people can’t tell), I can even interact socially (albeit awkwardly). Get me talking on a subject I’m passionate about, and you’ll probably end up learning in an hour what it would normally talk someone two semesters to learn.
I… want people to notice what I can do. And assume I have abilities.
But I also want people to notice the things I can’t do. And accept them. I don’t want it to be forgotten, because I need accommodations in order to do the things I can do.
I need people to believe me when I say that I don’t understand something, and explain it to me in a way I can understand. I need people to give me things in formats I can use. And to understand that, yes, I really do need to step out sometimes and there are environments I can’t handle. Etc etc.
Autism is a disability. And we’re fully human. And those things go together.
If I hear one more person say vaccines cause autism, I will fucking rip my hair out
Vaccines cause autism. Period. Over 15 cases in court approved. Vaccine.damaged children are being compensated. Period.
Where’d my autism come from, then? I’ve been autistic since before I was vaccinated.
Vaccines can cause injuries, in rare cases. No one is disputing that.
The risks of not vaccinating are much higher than the risks of vaccinating for almost everyone, because vaccine-preventable diseases are really dangerous and used to kill a lot of people every year.
Vaccines injure some people. But they do not cause autism.
I wonder if maybe the reason “trigger” is used in so many inappropriate ways on here is that people think that being triggered is the only legitimate reason to have boundaries.
Like, they don’t think it’s ok to not follow someone because that person annoys them. Or to block someone because they don’t want to read their stuff.
Or to filter posts about things they just don’t want to look at.
Maybe they think it’s only ok if there’s some super compelling reason justifying it. Like a trigger.
I wonder if that’s part of what’s going on.
The ‘Joys’ of Executive Dysfunction
A lot of people on the autistic spectrum struggle with something called ‘executive dysfunction’, which makes certain tasks of daily living very hard for them. It affects planning, organisation and self-care for a lot of people. People with ADD/ADHD might also be able to relate to this post, although I’m writing about it from an autistic perspective. Your experience may be different and I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.
For me, it manifests as being able to focus on one thing very strongly, with everything else falling by the wayside. I’ve been very busy over the past few years with school and work, and those things take priority, so my homework will get done and I’ll get tasks done at the office while my laundry sits there waiting to be taken care of, and I end up buying food out instead of making it myself, when I’d rather not be spending money on the expense that eating out entails. I spend more money than I’d like on food because I don’t always have the energy to cook, especially on those days when I just want to get home from class, flop into bed and listen to some calming audiobooks to destress and decompress.
My bedroom is atrocious. It’s not the worst it’s been right now, but it is still pretty bad. Like, really gross. I wish it looked better. I want more room there. I want to be able to set things up the way I’d like them, but I never have the energy to do it. I’ve had problems with keeping my room clean since I was a kid. And by ‘kid’, I mean ‘four years old’. I used to have pictures of my childhood bedroom, which was usually a disaster area. That hasn’t changed over the past two decades, and I wish it would. I’ve tried. Often I’ll manage to have it neat for a month or something, only for it to get worse. And I often feel that I don’t have the energy to do anything about it, since when I’m busy, I tend to simply crash and relax once I get back home.
I also have an extremely hard time keeping track of things like laundry, washing and other self-care issues. People sometimes notice it, and I feel horrible if they point it out, even if I know that they mean well. I know that half my clothes stink and the other ones are questionable. I know that I need to be more diligent with self care. I know I’ve got a patchy beard that I need to shave off. I’m extremely conscious of it. It’s not that I don’t notice, or don’t care. It’s the fact that I’m not certain what I can do about it long-term. Believe me, I hate it. I’m embarrassed.
The only time I’ve had passable self-care (and didn’t have anyone to make sure that these things were done) was when I was neither working nor studying. I’m not even exaggerating. It’s that hard right now, and I just don’t know how to fix it. My energy goes towards the dominant task in my life. I think it’s a sort of ‘monotropism’, or central focus. It’s not that I don’t care about the other things; it’s more that I have a limited amount of energy I can expend. It takes all my ‘spoons’.
Personal organisation is another problem area for me - if it involves something that can’t be electronically indexed. If it’s a piece of paper, I’m much more likely to lose it. This is one of the many reasons why I prefer to use electronic devices for note-taking. Reminders are synced between my Macbook and iPad. I usually take notes with my computer or use a stylus with my iPad. Taking notes by hand means I might lose them. Not so much a problem if I have things like syncing set up. I only wake up on time because my computer and iPad are blasting alarms at me every morning.
There are times when I go days (or sometimes over a week) without some of my medications because I have to pick them up at some out-of-the-way place, and I have to modify my routine in order to do it. Luckily, my survival doesn’t depend on them—but my sanity does, and I find myself getting incredibly agitated if I don’t have them. I don’t like the fact that I wait to do things until I have more energy, or when I’ve psyched myself up to do things outside my routine, but that’s how it’s been.
If I become overloaded somehow, everything gets harder, since my immediate impulse is ‘go down and rest immediately’.
If I had unlimited money, I’d just hire someone to do stuff like laundry FOR me. I’d actually like a personal care attendant at some point (to help with certain tasks of daily living), but I don’t know how to get one. I think that you need to be on disability or have a large amount of money to be able to pay for one, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to have that help. The fact that I can do some types of work probably disqualifies me for disability, and I don’t know if I’d do well with the enforced poverty that it creates. And I’m not certain if I’d end up making enough to allow me to hire a personal care attendant. Things get complicated because while I can do extremely well in one area of my life, everything else starts to suffer. (There’s a post that’s a bit similar to what I sometimes go through, but to a more extreme level, called ‘You Have It So Good’.)
I am not ‘mildly’ autistic because I can do well at certain non-daily-living tasks like school or work. I am not a ‘shiny Aspie’. Underneath that is a constant struggle with skills that most people take for granted. Executive dysfunction sucks and I wish I didn’t have it. I’m fine with being autistic, but I’m so tired of going through life with this executive dysfunction and not getting any support for it.
I hate that when I try to look at math on a page, my brain just immediately fogs up. But when I’m doing math that’s not on a piece of paper, and within the context of something else, it comes out fine, and quickly most of the time. Like if I’m calculating a percentage or something. Stuff like calculating tips is usually really quick, but…give me that same problem on a piece of paper, in the form of an equation, and I’ll be staring at it for several minutes.
With Father’s day fast approaching, I would like to send a shout out to the people typically ignored on days like this:
- To the people with abusive fathers
- To the people absentee fathers
- To the people who don’t know their fathers
- To the people who cut their fathers out of their lives
- To the people with conflicting feelings about father’s day because their own father was a piece of shit but other men they know and love are awesome dads
- To the people who learned how not to be a shitty dad by not doing what their father did
You are not alone. If you don’t want to celebrate father’s day or you don’t want to talk to your father, that’s perfectly fine. Do whatever it takes to make sure you are healthy and happy.
This was actually rather touching to read. This time of year means nothing to me generally, I don’t get upset or sad or any of that, but this still made me smile. Thank you.
Can we include the people with dead fathers too because it’s not like we don’t want to celebrate the day, just, hanging around on a graveyard instead (as nice as graveyards are) feels pretty… meh.